this digging further down
it’s not allowed
this cryptic self destruction wrapped in silver plastic smiles
not allowed
another yearning burning call
kill them all
they cant be here
they cant hear
what we are
must go far from this place wrapped in silver plastic
drastic data base
ii could touch his face but that would set me back a mile
ii could silver plastic smile but that would push me far ahead
and then ii’d never see his face again
ii’d never love his face again
ii’d never love again
ii’d never love
ii’d never love
ii’d only silver plastic smile for a while till ii’m paid
then ii’m laid
then ii’m married then ii’m happily-ever-aftered
well ii’ll happyeverafter myself
sitting in a silver spoon and cooking for the kiddies
and working with the yuppies buying puppies for their children
that’s where ii could hide away
from this touch face game ii play
this maybe ii could love again and maybe he still loves me is my only answer
but he doesn’t love me anymore
and ii am falling deeper down
digging for my soul
digging for my heart returned to me so someone else can tear it apart
so ii dont have to follow him forever in despair
crying:
“give it back and ii will use it well
give it back or let me touch your face
let me kiss you
let me feel your arms again
let me fall into warm saturdays and bright blue spaceship eyes
transporting me straight to naked fucking on mountaintops
in trees with the animals
take me ii’m ready to touch your face
to suck your blood
take me ii want your mistakes all in one
thrust straight into my blood
it’s been dry for far too long
pick a song
turn up the volume
throw me down
and give me back what’s mine”
__
~ Diary 2001
